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Early sobriety is horrible. Normal people or 'normies' have a hard time understanding why or how an addict can continue to drink and use drugs while everything around them is crumbling. They simply can't relate. The closest analogy I can come up with is imagine the first time you fell deeply in love with a person, place or thing. Go back to that blissful infatuation of comforting warmth. Inside that warmth I found a security of well being. A place or unique feeling that no one could touch except myself and my lover. I rediscovered this feeling or state of being with the right combination of drugs and alcohol.  Now imagine you are just about to experience that special feeling of warmth and comfort: the body starts to tingle, a wave of warmth and security is flushing through the body when WHAM it is suddenly stripped away and you are left terribly exposed, vulnerable, scared, and physically shaken. This is what early sobriety feels like. As I exited the doors of rehab I suffered from excitable fear, a cloudy mind, and a bloated body. I had the 40 days of sobriety in a safe structured environment but once I re-entered into society I had very few tools to defend myself from living without the safety net of my previous habits. From the moment I woke up I needed something to take away the physical, mental, and emotional pain and fear that had become my life. I used drugs and alcohol in every waking moment of life. Thus, all my life's actions became associated with some form of substance. If I drove to the store I got high. I got high at work, on a plane, on a train, in stranger's house, while walking the dog, etc.... Thus, the first year was so fucking hard because I had to reprogram my complete way of being in conjunction with re-associating the simplest task to be completed without alcohol and drugs. As I began to walk through my daily tasks sober without taking that first drink or hit I began to gain confidence in myself. SLOWLY, as I got through each task I would process my thoughts and feelings in a 12-step meeting or work out the anxiety on the yoga mat. Once I began re-associating my daily tasks with a sober eye, my newfound confidence began to nurture other aspects in my life that I had neglected: family, friends, and most importantly myself. Today, 6+ years sober, I discover that feeling of blissful warmth on a daily basis. I find it in a smile, in a meeting, on the phone, on the yoga mat, and often with those closest to me. In sobriety I have learned that assurance, freedom, and security is directly correlated to my spiritual condition. I used to try to find my happiness in other places, persons, and substances. Presently, it comes from within. Thus, I am struck with a feeling of gratitude and acceptance of who I am. Having security with myself is one of the many gifts of sobriety. Notes From The Culinary Addict: Yogism from James (my teacher): "Yoga helps create the space that allows you to move from 2D to 3D." Recent 12-step meeting quote: "My father was trying to leave the cocaine business when I was born which really set me up for success in life." -I learned in rehab that it takes at least two years to completely detox the body of residual alcohol and drug toxins. -I got so ill in rehab I had to sleep sitting up due to pneumonia like symptoms. -The first year of recovery I averaged 4-5 hours a sleep, sweat through 1 shirt a night, went to a 12-step meeting daily, worked the 12 steps twice, and stayed away from most slippery situations. -I went to 4-5 Bikram yoga classes a week, which was a HUGE component of my early recovery. Addiction is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. Grasping onto positive life style changes (yoga, healthier eating, etc..) in conjunction with 12-step stuff has been crucial in my recovery. -vote @eaterpdx for best chef http://bit.ly/daiRZc tim @silentpartnrpdx & chef andersen have brought @genoaPDX @accantoPDX back from dead -Boke bowl had an unbelievable first night of a la carte service at the Cruz Room. Over 200 folks showed up and I want to personally thank each one of you. Details of the next dinner go the boke bowl blog. -Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason):' santa claus wasted' -Band Name of Week: Monk in a Pan -Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Heatmiser

2 Responses to “Early Recovery”

  1. Lindsey says:

    Wow, I just stumbled upon your blog after looking up Boke Bowl (enticed by Under the Table with Jen’s review) and I wanted to leave a note to say how much I appreciate your honesty and openness. I hope your life and recovery can inspire other people to see the value in trudging through the pain to come out on the other side. Keep it up!

  2. theculinaryaddict says:

    Hey, Thanks so much for taking the time. It means more than words and fills me with gratitude. Please say hello if you make it to the next boke dinner. I’ll be in the kitchen. Push on,

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